Just like starting over

I will mention this many times over, so I apologize for the repetition but I really can't believe that I'm here again.  

To be honest, I'm really not all that surprised but I am.  

Today is probably the best I've felt in 3 1/2 months.  I know it's just a temporary scab and something will come along and rip it off soon enough but I will enjoy feeling good while it lasts.  

I've looked back over all the notes and snippets that I've written during the duration of our relationship and I see a pattern.  I really only wrote when he was pissed at me.  There was a pattern to the cycle and it wasn't healthy.  What he did to me wasn't right and it does border on abuse.  
He was a master at Emotional Manipulation.  He would get pissed at me for something really stupid and ridiculous.  He would then completely shut down.  I would be ignored and pretty much all attention would be withheld to varying degrees.  
In the beginning, this would bother me quite a lot and I would usually cave within a day or two.  
Once I realized that caving was what he was looking for, I stopped letting it bother me as much.  It didn't always work but at least I was aware of what I was in for.   I got better at disguising the pain.  
Until the end of my days, I will never forget the stomach churning anxiety that he caused.  The lack of sleep because I was so worked up over the emotional withholding.  The hours spent at work where I was a mess and couldn't concentrate on my job.  God Damn that was so unhealthy. 
The times that I got pissed in response to his antics, he would turn the tables and want to know why I was mad.  (Giving me the impression that I had no reason to be mad or upset or anything)       
Looking back, it is all so clear to me now.  But, love is blind whore with no sense of decency.  

He's the one who left me.  He's the one who felt that what we had wasn't worth the effort to fix.  I wasn't worth putting forth the effort to fix.  
He was supposed to be my forever.  The one I grew old with.  He was safe.  He presented himself as a good person.  I got comfortable and complacent.  
But, no matter what he says, I know deep down that this isn't all my fault.